Vincent Nathan 1947-2023
(Joe's 1956-1965)
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Obituary by Paul Nathan (read out at the funeral)
Vincent Nathan was born on
12th May 1947 in Preston to Ernest and Eileen. A unique mixture of Ukrainian,
Irish and English heritage, which possibly explains a great deal. He was named
after Eileen’s brother Vincent who was killed minesweeping just after the war.
With his brother Michael, he attended school at St Joseph’s in Blackpool, a
Christian Brothers' boarding school, which also possibly explains a lot, but
where he made some lifelong friends, such as Ray Wood, John Ward, Brian Walsh
and Malcolm Crane who are here today. At school he demonstrated some of the
qualities that would define his character – a sense of equality and fairness
with a strong belief in what's right but strict and firm when needed. Reputedly
breaking up fights at school and forcing reconciliations to end on handshake
terms and stepping in to defend younger kids from being bullied by older
children and standing up for himself by refusing to be strapped when falsely
accused. As school prefect he ran a tight ship putting a whole year group on
detention on several occasions (over 120 lads). During this time he also
developed his penchant for singing with gusto in the choir, on the coach or in
the pub.
During his holidays he worked as a porter at Preston Railway Station, platform
5, which importantly for him, kept him self-sufficient. He went on to medical
school at the Royal College of Surgeons in Dublin, where he made some more
lifelong friends, graduating in 1971. Friends like Imelda Wood here with Ray and
Peter and Rosita Thorpe. Rosita is also here today with their son Andrew, who
ended up being one of my friends with his brother Michael here at Stonyhurst –
What a small world it is! Being a doctor was something he was extremely proud of
and would often correct people when they inadvertently referred to him as
‘mister’.
I would like to read an extract from his graduation yearbook which is both
hilarious and surprising. You might notice some hereditary traits:
‘Vinny ascribes his sunny personality to getting plenty of kip, especially
during lectures. When roused by the lecturer’s voice he would resort to his old
companion The Sun. He had the distinction of being a Mercers Hospital
prize winner and played a considerable amount of rugby. He was a great prop in
the Purefoy Cup.' Hard to believe for those of us who knew him later in his
life, but he had a decent talent for sport, playing at school and for the 1st XV
at Surgeons. His top game was when Surgeons, a low-grade side were drawn against
St Mary’s one of Ireland’s finest in the Dublin Cup. Vinny was propping against
Sean Lynch, who was the Irish and Lions prop at the time. A match that wouldn’t
have been allowed today, but Vinny held his own, played a blinder and Surgeons
won. He was invited to continue playing by a number of teams but with typical
humility he dismissed the requests on the basis that he felt he was not good
enough.
At university he honed his passion for singing with gusto in folk pubs,
particularly the rebel songs by all accounts. He continued to demonstrate his
belief in equality and fairness, standing up for women’s rights to bathe in a
male only rock pool in south Dublin when interviewed on Irish TV. These were
indeed different times!!
After university he went to live and work in Trinidad as a young doctor, which
he described simply as ‘too bloody hot’. Not surprising looking at the old
photos as he seemed to be always wearing a suit and tie - but that was how he
was brought up. He returned to Preston and later got a job in Whittingham
hospital where he met Maureen Anne Atkinson whom he married on 29th November
1975. The marriage proposal was typically understated and no-nonsense – he took
Maureen to a jewellers and simply asked, “shall we get married then?”. He
described Maureen as his one and only love and never fully recovered when she
unexpectedly passed in 2005 after 30 years of marriage. Given his physical
condition, He (and most of us) all thought Maureen would outlive Vincent and he
would often say that ‘creaking doors hang the longest’ which is inscribed on his
coffin. We are all very thankful for these extra years, despite numerous
ailments and operations.
Vincent and Maureen brought up 4 children, Stephen, Paul, Andrew and Lucy. It is
fair to say that he was very dedicated to his family. Vincent and Maureen
sacrificed much and worked tirelessly to give us all the best chance for a
successful and fulfilled life. As children we will remember him for being a
pretty strict parent (well, I think Stephen, Andrew and I will, but not Lucy
because he completely spoiled her) and he tried to run a tight ship at home as
he did at school. His physical condition often worked in our favour here, I have
a number of early memories where either Andrew or I would escape a good hiding
because he couldn’t catch us. Again, different times!!
This was balanced by an infinite amount of encouragement and generosity. To the
extent that he had 3 jobs to fund all our hobbies and to help us fulfil our
ambitions and dreams, including the best education possible here at Stonyhurst
and at our many universities. Something which I for one will be eternally
grateful. He qualified as a psychiatrist, which he practiced part time and at
weekends, while also working as a Senior Medical Officer for the Civil Service.
Again as an example of his humility during his time at the Civil Service he
wrote the rule book and policies for the application of war pensions which still
remain in place today…something which he only mentioned in passing.
I think there was at least one of us at Stonyhurst for 14 consecutive years from
1985 to 1999, testament to his stoicism, resilience and dedication to his
family. Many of our school friends spent time at our house, which Vinny and
Maureen both thoroughly enjoyed even when we started coming home at early hours
in the morning worse for wear. This is a comment from one of my school friends
which I think nicely summarises our family home: ‘your dad and mum welcomed me
into your home many many times and were always incredibly kind and good hearted.
I never heard anything but encouragement and positivity from your dad. The
incredible loving home atmosphere that you mum and dad created is genuinely one
that I try to emulate myself.’
Unfortunately for us kids, his love of singing very loudly was demonstrated
every morning with a persistently out of tune ‘Oh what a beautiful morning’ and
he used to sing us to sleep with the Skye Boat Song. Hence why those are the
entrance and exit songs to the service today.
Vinny was extremely generous to his family and friends. In fact, his generosity
became legend among my friends as he would always give us money to get a round
of drinks when we went out. By the time I got to university, he gave me a credit
card that he would top up with a few quid when he knew I was going out with some
school friends. “These beers are on Vinny” was a frequent battle cry, remembered
fondly by us all.
Later in his working career he became a Psychiatric Consultant and I know there
are a number of patients and families who benefitted from his expertise. He
retired early but continued to work part time as a tribune for war pensions
appeals up until he was reluctantly retired off at 75, something which aggrieved
him greatly because it kept him self-sufficient and that was his work ethic. He
often wondered how he managed to find time to work before he retired – that is
between reading the newspaper or having a nap. Some things never change!
He was immensely proud to have 4 grandchildren, Georgiana, Benedict, Mary and
Evelyn. Although he took a hands off approach to being a grandpa, he loved you
all very dearly. He was consistently late with birthday and Christmas presents
but he always remembered in the end with gifts that were ridiculously excessive!
His encouraging and generous nature continued with his grandchildren and
extended family – Lisa, Philip and Elaine. When Lisa returned to work after
having kids - his instant reaction was to buy a laptop to make her life easier.
He researched for days and bought a seriously over specked machine to make sure
that it was the best one for the job. This was his way as patron of our dreams
and ambitions.
He was considered to be a gentleman, kind, generous and genuine. He was humble
and not ostentatious in any way. He was a son, brother, husband, father,
grandfather, friend, doctor, mentor, companion, patron of dreams. Here a few
comments from people who knew him:
“he was a lovely man. A gentle man and a gentleman.”
“your dad was so kind to me”
“a true gentleman and a lovely fella”
“he was an absolute gent every time I saw him, they don’t make ‘em like that
anymore”
“he was such a gentleman and served the best butter to toast ratio there ever
was”
Thinking through the different definitions of the true measure of a man, I think
Vincent ticked them all:
• Capacity to love unconditionally
• Capacity to learn
• Capacity to give
• Ready with a word of good cheer
• Demonstration of strength and determination
• How he treated people who had nothing to give him
• How he will be remembered by his children…he will be remembered with great
affection, respect and gratitude.
While I am here, on behalf of our Dad, I would like to take the opportunity to
thank my brother Andrew, who became Vincent’s companion for the last 15 years. I
know you bickered like an old married couple but he really appreciated your
companionship and friendship. We are glad you were with him at the end.
After this service the burial will be held at Our Lady and St Michaels and the
wake at the Italian Orchard. Where for one last time, the beers are on Vinny,
well the pizzas at least, these beers are on us.
I am sure in the next place he will be reading the newspaper, having naps and
munching on an endless supply of fruit and peanuts. We will miss you greatly.